Thoughts on graduating (and on life!)
I’m sorry everyone but today I’m gonna write in english. It somehow feels easier for me to put down my feelings when I do so, than when I write in my mother tongue.
So here I am again. Back in France, back in Paris, back in what everyone in Leicester called « a dream life ». Is it really? It does look pretty good on paper. It’s only when you take a deeper look, when you start to recollect all the broken pieces of my life that you may realize how unhappy I am.
This weekend was not so perfect. But I learnt that in life nothing can be « perfect ». I did cry (a lot!), I broke my phone (such a loser haha), I had an argument with a friend, there were some drama with boys (I think no one understands that I do NOT want to get in a relationship!). But that’s all. All the rest was, indeed, perfect ❤ Seeing them all, smiling, laughing, crying because I love them so much, drinking, dancing, smoking, and realizing that I’m (only!) 22 years old, have still so many things to live and have so many things in life to be grateful for. I lost sight of this. I lost sight of my innocence and my craziness, and getting it back, even for only a 4 days weekend, was enough. It was enough for me to see that all I need in life are my friends with me (and some bottles of Rekordelig perhaps?! ;))
The fact that my parents were here, to witness my happiness, to see through my eyes, to discover my city, to finally start to slowly understand why I love it so much up there, why I want so badly to come back, well, this was just the cherry on top of the cake!
I don’t think I can write much. There’s nothing else for me to say. Or maybe this: I will fight till my last breath to go back there. Because I cannot live like this anymore. I cannot be that unhappy, I cannot have Ed’s voice within me as soon as I step back in France. I can’t have those high mood switches again. I just cannot cope with all of this anymore.
Funny thing happened when I went to the airport. One guy asked me what was I doing in England and congratulated me on graduating. Then he said « so now what? » and I just stared at him for a good five seconds, torned between the idea of crying or laughing very hard. Yes, now what?
Graduation is very probably a big step in anyone’s life. It means the end of my student life, the end of me asking my parents for help,(although let’s be honest, everytime I’m in a very stressful situation and need to take a decision my firt thought is ALWAYS and probably always will be, to call my mum for advise) (Then I remember that she’s not living in the same country/ is working and can’t answer the phone, and I just take my own decision. Is this being adult?), the end of being in a complete state of carefreeness. Yet, while some people are already thinking of creating their own buisness, getting married, having babies, I’m still having the same stupid thoughts: I want to go to Leeds Festival this summer, I want to get a new tattoo, I want to adopt a dog, Iwant to have my own place where I can decorate everything in a very Ikea’s style, I want to have fun, always, always, always…
And the key to all of this is to get a freaking job.
So Leicester this is definitely not a farewell. Just a « see you soon » to a friend I’m already longing to see…
With my rubita ❤
Can you tell how cold my parents were feeling?! 😉
Lucky enough to have parents who I can go have a cheeky drink with before heading to dinner! 🙂
Veggie burger! (and cider of course! ;))
My girls and I at Firebug, my favourite bar ever ❤
My mom. Love her so freaking much ❤
Vegetarian full english breakfast at Jones!
Maria’s graduation present to me: a golden bracelet from Colombia. Ske knows how much I love rings and bracelets and she said this way I’ll always have a piece of her ❤
(The other bracelets, from left to right: birthday gift for my 10th birthday, iron bracelet from Santa Fe, New-Mexico, golden bracelet for my 20th birthday).
My parents’ graduation present: Nike Air! I love them 😀