‘ Tomorrow I’ll be stronger, running colorful No longer just in black and white And I’m quite alright hiding tonight ‘

I’m lying in bed, sick. I hate this feeling of restlessness, not being able to just go out and enjoy the little rays of lights that the sun deigns giving us.

But it gives me time to reflect on my life, on my thoughts and actions, a thing I have tried to avoid very hard these days.

I know I should be happy and to be honest, I kind of am. I now live in my own apartment or I should say we live in our apartment, it’s big and white with bay windows and is located in the center of Southsea. It’s everything I dreamed of but never thought I could actually get. There was obviously the usual trip to Ikea, the countless arguments on what color should the sheets of our bed be (I obviously wanted to raspberry ones but didn’t win this one). I am indeed happy, yet I’ve tried to put aside the fact that my mind has never been so messed up, that I miss seeing kate (my therapist), that the fact that Marine decided to stop talking to me has hurt me in more ways than I thought, that I am very homesick at the moment, but I also miss travelling to new places, that I keep on wondering what I am doing with my life and so on ….

I wonder if my mind will ever leave me in peace, if I will finally completely be happy. Maybe this is just who I am and i have to deal with my conflicted thoughts.

To leave you on a better note, here are some of the songs I’ve been listening to (yes, I am ashamed of some of them !) which makes me smile in the morning (and this is a really hard thing to get out of me in the morning, ask my boyfriend!)